The quest to find the perfect cocktail...

Japanese Slipper

2008-10-09T19:34:00.002+11:00

- adjective

Petrol
Manky Shoe

What can one say about the Japanese Slipper? Well one thing is for sure, it's a step up from it's predecessor, the Cosmopolitan.

When first presented with the Japanese Slipper, it looks like something produced out of the nuclear plant from the Simpsons ("Real acid???"). It also looks radioactive, toxic & would probably glow in the dark if it could.

Unlike the Cosmopolitan, it has a taste that is bearable, but it's nothing to write home and tell everyone about. With bits of lemon fibers swimming around in mysterious green fluid and a preserved cherry at the bottom of it all, its not wonder this slipper is not sold at your common shoe or department store.

The panel of critics would say, order it if there are only Cosmopolitans on the menu! Otherwise, give this one a miss; you won't be missing much.

With it's radioactive looks, and subtle taste of Listerine, this cocktail gets 1.25 out of 5.

Posted by Michele.

Mai Tai

2008-09-25T09:15:00.002+10:00

- adjective

Bile
Aeroplane fuel

Ladies and Gentleman, may I introduce the Mai Tai, certainly not a tie you will be buying or wearing anytime soon if you listen to me carefully!

Stronger than your average petrol for an automobile / truck / roadtrain, the only other known liquid to man to compare this cocktail to would be aeroplane / jumbo jet / concorde fuel.

As you sip on it's poorly presented contents, you slowly start to feel your innards dissolve with its corrosive properties.

When ordering this cocktail the barkeep should make you sign a waiver saying he or she takes no responsibility for any health problems / loss of vital organs / death.
If you have a death wish, an infection with some funky bacteria growing inside of you, drink a Mai Tai.

This cocktail prepared by Crown Casino gets an overall rating of 1 out of 5.

However I tried one on a recent trip to Thailand and it was delicious, and I would have given it a rating of 3 out of 5.

Posted by Michele

Tom and Jerry

2008-09-17T21:17:00.009+10:00

It seems the global credit crunch has hit 1806 in 2008. Financial market turbulence has obviously affected this bar, because drink levels are down. They were hoping we wouldn't notice their cost-cutting measures, but after receiving three drinks that each would have fit on a teaspoon, we cottoned on.

Their stinginess was also on display when they scooped a half-melted Sara Lee pudding out of the punnet, dumped it into a normal kitchen glass, microwaved it for 30 seconds on medium-high, and lightly sprinkled it with Franklins No-Frills Cocoa. Simply drizzle with paint thinner, and voila!

When the cocktail arrived with a dessert spoon instead of a straw, we knew something was awry. We consulted the menu to see if we had accidentally ordered a soup. The croutons were missing, so it couldn't have been soup. But this clearly wasn't a cocktail; what was it?

Aha! We had a Eureka moment. The drink brought back vivid memories of travelling down the pet food aisle at Safeway. It was shaped just like Chum poured from the tin -- so chunky you could carve it. This cocktail is like a wet dream for dogs.

This controversial food (it was too solid to call a drink) split the judging panel. Some people would prefer to lick the road rather than ingest this beverage again. Others weren't quite so critical. We settled on a compromise rating of 3 out of 5.

Perhaps a better name for this cocktail would have been "Half filled latte pudding dipped in metho", but that probably wouldn't sell as easily, so "Tom and Jerry" will do.

Posted by Michele and David

Blue Blazer

2008-09-15T20:33:00.006+10:00

Another cocktail at 1806 is the Blue Blazer.

If you think that paying $15-16 merits a decent amount of liquid in the glass, think again. This drink was shallower than the Murray Darling basin and skimpier than your Mum's undies. Perhaps babies could drown in one inch of cocktail, but you're certainly not going to get your thirst quenched if you order this beverage.

If you think that paying $15-16 merits at least some attempt at good presentation, think again. It was a plain coloured liquid in a plain drinking glass. That's it. I'm not kidding.

Thankfully (or not thankfully, if you value your inner organs), this cocktail makes up in sheer potency what it lacks in the presentation and content departments. A mere whiff of this powerful concoction may knock you off your chair, and that's not mentioning the effect on your nose. Want longer lasting SEX? This cocktail surely qualifies as the latest and greatest in nasal delivery technology.

It is served warm (like your Mum), but not even that gimmick can resurrect this hideous drink's deathly taste.

A truly heinous crime against humanity, which deserves no more than a 1.5 out of 5.

Posted by David

The Cosmopolitan (Round One)

2008-09-14T19:04:00.006+10:00

This was one of the very first cocktails we tried a few years back. I'm tempted to try another one from a reputable cocktail bar. This is the review I typed up shortly after.

- adjective

Looks very sophisticated and tastes like antiseptic.

May you be warned; the cocktail of choice most probably made famous by one of my favourite TV shows "Sex & the City", the Cosmopolitan is infact a lethal, horrible drink that one should never indulge in!

I had always wanted to try a Cosmopolitan ever since i saw them on Sex & The City. OHHHHH what a let down that was!

How can one describe the tastes we were left with after trying a Cosmopolitan? LET ALONE the after taste!!

Some of the tastes we came up to describe it were: Cow's anus, Listerine, Morning Fresh washing liquid, Bleach, and the list goes on..... I'm thinking if i was going to get food poisoning from my burger earlier that evening, this cocktail would have KILLED any germs that were living inside of me!

You know when you take a sip of something and you have a werid body twitch when it goes down..... yah, you'll be doing that non-stop when you drink a Cosmopolitan. It's FINE if you don't inhale whilst drinking it, but other than that your basically screwed if you want to look cool whilst drinking this stylish cocktail.

So, Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samatha; I don't know how you do it, but all i can say is, your Cosmopolitans must have been substituted for Ribena or just plain cranberry juice cos the cocktail is just ... there are no words! THEY ARE FERAL!! DON'T EVER HAVE ONE!!

Posted by Shellie

Espresso Martini

2008-09-14T14:20:00.007+10:00

Recently we sauntered down to 1806, a Melbourne bar which won an award for the best cocktail list at an international cocktail festival in 2008. We had high expectations and were not disappointed by the decor, the theatrics of the cocktail making and the presentation of the beverages. As always, the cocktails we sampled fluctuated between tasty and vomit-inducing. But that's all part of the fun!

One of the first we tried was the Espresso Martini. Having tried martinis before and concluded that they taste like dog faeces drenched in ethanol, we were all eagerly anticipating the espresso version of this famous cocktail, to see whether a coffee hit could numb the overwhelming taste of diesel.

The presentation was excellent. Despite arriving in a foreboding feral glass, we immediately noticed that it gave good coffee head. With the strategic placement of coffee beans on the crema, it looked like Miss Latte 2008. Would the taste match the appearance? Almost certainly not.

Our conclusion on the taste was: "I paid for a cocktail, and all I got was Nescafe blend 43". It simply tasted like cold coffee, and not even a particularly good one. It was as though the cocktail had dripped out of a cheap instant coffee machine in a youth hostel three years after the beans had been ground and two hours after the water authorities had switched off the hot water main.

Nonetheless, since we're all rather fond of coffee, and since I was tired and needed a caffeine hit, an overall rating of 3.5 out of 5 seemed appropriate (especially given the outstanding presentation).

Posted by David

Welcome

2008-08-21T14:03:00.000+10:00

Hi there, and welcome to a blog created by 3 adventurous, young Melbournians who have made it their mission in life to find the perfect cocktail.

This all started one night when we were out catching up over a bit of dinner. We slowly go bored and needed some entertainment so we thought about trying some cocktails.

I had always wanted to try a Cosmopolitan, as that's all they seemed to drink on Sex & The City.
Now, we have all taken one for the team and had a drink that was feral tasting.This "Cosmo" was one of those ferals! I'm not too sure how people can skull these down every week but I've not had one since.

However since this experience, we have each had our share of feral cocktails. We have fun sitting around reviewing cocktails and thought it was time we started to share our thoughts (mostly drunken thoughts) with the world.

If you can recommend us any cocktails to try or any bars / cocktail venues we can seek out please let us know!!

pinacoladas.insane@gmail.com

Posted by Shellie